Kehti hain, mujse meri tanhaaiyaan

Kia rakha hai, teri un udaas shaamo mein

Goonjti hain, kaano mein teri ruswaiyaan

Naachti hai, in band aankhon talay

Kabhi aansoo ban ke, meri aankhon ko tu bhaaray

Kabhi subha ban ke, meri raaton ko din kare

Tu nai tau kia tera ehsas sahi

Tu nai tau kia tera ehsas sahi

Teri chaahat, na aarzooo, na aas hai koi

Tu nahin, teri nafratain bhe nahin

Nahin,

Nahin.

Kia hai jo yeh pal, tham jaaye aur woh kal

aas ke kabhi, jinki tasweeron mein tum aur mein, ham nahin….

Nahin , ab tum nahin.

Kuch bhe tau yahan, pehle jesa nahin

Awaaz nahin aur ab tum nahin.

Kuch bhe tau yahan, pehle jesa nahin.

Nahin…

Kehti hain, mujse meri tanhaaiyaan

Repetition or consistency is normally labelized as a good attribute in a daily life. Be it work, relationships, activities, qualities and quantities etc…  Today, I found out a sheer truth or I can even say a fact of my life. Yes, I have been consistent too. Yes, I have become good at it.

Let me break the surprise and tell you what it really is, I have become greatest in repeating my mistakes and breaking everyone’s truth , heart and soul.

I literally have blown away many things very dear to me.

I have been away from my blog and writing planet, there were reasons. The biggest is that I wanted to focus on some other things been happening around or it can even be defined in a way that I needed to take off my focus from my head, my brain and my heart. I didn’t want to take out that side of me which always urges me to wake up the loneliness and happiness at the same time in myself. The sheer power and that lightning bolt of energy particles running over in my veins with my blood cell. And as soon as it passes through my brain, KABOOM!!!

What I wrote above is something I don’t know why I say this…. I might end up missing so many words in between of my this entry today… After a long time, my brain and heart are finally together but both in the sadness of my entity. I have started to become insane of the conceptual shit we face every day in life. Humanity is on the verge of becoming the worst form of living creatures to exist on this pure precious planet we call home.

The more I think about it, the more I wish to fix things and my surroundings and when it comes to redefining things and lives, how about starting with my own self?

So the game began, the blame game where my opponent was this guy who calls himself the best person ever to be existed, Me.

Probably this isn’t the best of times to write here or even in public. But no, I need to say things at least to someone. I have become, a very complicated chewing gum. Yes, a real gum…

So much has happened lately. So much drama, the sadness and the wildness and happiness too. But there are certain things which have always made me feel the worst person. For which I completely affirm to right now.

I am a very lucky guy, I am. And I honestly thank God for making me one. Good family, good life, good work and nice hair. But more importantly, have had amazing people in my life. But the problem has been common, I met amazing people in fact saints and angels for me. Emotionally, I got attached to many people in last decade. People like Sarah, Samo, Komal, Minah, Wajiha, Zair, Mohsin, Ayesha, Anya, Sara, Rooma etc. These are the real people defining me and re=defining my life.

Blunder of my life, I let each and everyone of them down. And broke/hurt a few people so much that today, I often fear knowing new people.

Today, Sarah and Samo are far far away from me but never from my memories and heart. I treated them terribly bad. But I never thought that we’ll be this far away from each other. But they didn’t go, I pushed them away….

A little angel came into my life who taught me the meaning of FUN and laughter…. Someone I completely broke with my blunders, calculations and bull shits. And today, even by being around you, I don’t feel being with you. Being sitting beside you but, I find us separated miles away. I am not even sure if you’ll come on this blog but, this is for you Minah. You are one rocking gem I lost… lost.

I feel blessed to still have Zair, Mohsin, Ayesha, Wajiha, Anya, Sara and Rooma with me. You dudes are the bestest I tell you… And Ayesha you, I need you!  I love you and I always want you to be with me always and forever. I know how hard it was for me to win you back baby, I need you and we both know that…

Yes, this is getting way too higher than all the other heights. I know, just let it be please.

But this doesn’t end here…

Two of the most dearest and nearest people to be a part of my life, who saw my every mood , every sight, for all the happiness and all the fights. My cheerful and biggest part of the last decade or even more than that. The huge part of my heart and more importantly my soul. Vicky and Hina…  I have no idea if any of you know about this blog post or not. But hey, you guys complete me. You always have and maybe tonight , I feel incomplete because I don’t have you guys with me. I never ever dreamt to be left alone without you two especially you Hina. I have ran out of words to explain to you what you are to me. I know I have done terrible things lately, I broke your pride and trust, worst is I broke your soul. I am guilty but this punishment of not having you, my real love, my sister, my best friend and my heart beat… I don’t know what to write anymore, but I am broken and I need you. Back in my life, back to you…

Yes friends, this life is full of regrets like many. People I love, people I miss, people I want and people I break. This has been the only consistent part of me. For my entire life, the most painful comment I got was the someone saying that they are scared of me… I have lost myself and my way.

I need to focus, on what I was and what I have become. The pain is intense, the feelings are there but the emotions have started to fade but then, things fade out to fade in again… I feel helpless, I feel sad and I feel worse than ever.

Please, never break anyone’s heart because most of the time, we are the ones living in that pretty little heart. I broke it, now I am homeless. Tired of myself, how can you not be 

PS: Dope is bad, ignore the technical errors in post..